About Five Finger Jerky
Our #1 priority is to make sure each and every customer is treated like royalty; Partly because many of our customers are in fact Princes, Holy Men, and high ranking members of the Illuminati. We are so sure that you will be satisfied with our Five Fingers that we feel confident in offering a 100% money back guarantee on all orders.
Years of blood, sweat, and tears (not literally) have gone into every product we offer. Prepared by ninjas and sliced using samurai swords, we pride ourselves in delivering the tastiest meat snacks imaginable.
Even the greatest warriors, thinkers, and athletes can suffer from fatigue. Protein packed and naturally caffeinated with guarana seed powder, this flavor has been helping save the day since there was only one continent. Here at Five Finger Jerky, we like to call it “Hero Maker”. Did I mention honey-sriracha? Yeah, it tastes like that.
Hand crafted teriyaki goodness prepared by ninjas and cut using samurai swords. Tibetan Teriyaki is world renowned and typically reserved for royalty and dignitaries but we will make an exception this one time.
While under the influence of, ahem, mind altering chemicals, one of our chefs (who will go unnamed) created a balsamic-ginger flavor that has been described as a life changing, psychedelic experience. Ladies and germs, we proudly present to you what we like to call “Lucid Dream”. ***Warning: may be habit forming.
Birthed in the core of Mauna Loa, Hawaii’s largest and most active volcano, our team of scientists, holy men, and ukulele masters spent decades concocting the most delicious pineapple flavored jerky imaginable. Your welcome!